So, here I am back in New York.
Well, actually I've been back for a week now. I just haven't written anything because, well - there really hasn't been anything to write about. Nothing really big.
Nothing really exciting going on lately. I guess that's fine. It's nice to have quiet nights around town. But it really leaves me hungry for some action.
Being back in New York made me remember all the things I got going for me right now. My brother. My friends. My future. My life is New York. Sure California was fun and all, and it's always good to have a change of pace. But I guess I feel like Dorothy, minus the red hair, ruby slippers, blue plaid dress and the ovaries.
There's no place like home.
EMT training is going well. Being away for a weekend did set me back and now I have to make up loads of work including child and infant CPR. I began comparing studying out here and studying in college. In college, you have the repercussion that if you don't know your stuff, you'll get a bad GPA and a hurt pride. Here, if you don't know your stuff, you could lose a life. Lives depend on my knowledge and experience. Wow...
Lives depend on me.
Man I love this stuff. Anyways, my little brother is away at college right now. We talked a little bit tonight about his faith. He wonders if his faith was his own authentic decision or maybe he was just going with the family flow. I told him this is one thing he is going to have to find out on his own. After all, things like a relationship (especially a relationship with God) can only be understood by two people: you and them. People on the outside can't really know what you two have got going for yourselves. Only you to do.
Two friends of mine have broken up. A guy who is like another me; we even share the same birthday! And a girl who I admit, I've always been awkwardly attracted to inside and out, but has become a friend who gets me. The guy is a lot like me, sometimes finding himself alone with his thoughts and ambitions. The girl shares with me this sense of responsibility; a resonsibility outside of herself for the people around her. It's sad to see this happen. And being a friend of both, I want to see them both happy. But what can I do, right? This is between them two. All I feel I can do is hear them both out and be there for both of them. This is between them...
My best friend is even doing pretty well with his romantic life. He's getting to know this girl. So far he likes this girl. She's driven, smart, and has got her head on straight. And I'm happy for him, but at the same time I'm a little jealous I guess. I mean seriously, when's it my turn?
I know, it's kind of pathetic and even a little emo for a guy to be thinking about a girl. But there's not even a name or a face to go with the girl I have in mind. God, am I becoming desperate? Wow, I hope not. I guess I'm just looking for someone. Someone to inspire me. Someone to cheer for me. Someone to fight for. Someone to die for. Someone to tear a hole in this endless night. Someone like... like... I don't know who. People tell me, "Don't worry about it. Just wait around and she'll come around. Don't look so hard." I fucking hate hearing those lines. And I'm not even looking as hard as people may think. Psh, cop out advice. And most of the time you don't want advice. Sometimes you just want to be understood.
One of my biggest fears is that'll end up old and alone. Even though I play the hero, sometimes I can't help but feel alone. But hey, I have no room in my head for a pity party. There's a lot of better things I should be thinking about. Life's too short to pity myself away licking the same damn wounds. I just have to suck it up, pick myself up off the ground and live. Live dammit. Live...
So hear I am back in New York. Same old goals. Same old responsibilities. And that's why I'm back here instead of living it up in California. Because in New York...
I got some unfinished business: my life.
Well, actually I've been back for a week now. I just haven't written anything because, well - there really hasn't been anything to write about. Nothing really big.
Nothing really exciting going on lately. I guess that's fine. It's nice to have quiet nights around town. But it really leaves me hungry for some action.
Being back in New York made me remember all the things I got going for me right now. My brother. My friends. My future. My life is New York. Sure California was fun and all, and it's always good to have a change of pace. But I guess I feel like Dorothy, minus the red hair, ruby slippers, blue plaid dress and the ovaries.
There's no place like home.
EMT training is going well. Being away for a weekend did set me back and now I have to make up loads of work including child and infant CPR. I began comparing studying out here and studying in college. In college, you have the repercussion that if you don't know your stuff, you'll get a bad GPA and a hurt pride. Here, if you don't know your stuff, you could lose a life. Lives depend on my knowledge and experience. Wow...
Lives depend on me.
Man I love this stuff. Anyways, my little brother is away at college right now. We talked a little bit tonight about his faith. He wonders if his faith was his own authentic decision or maybe he was just going with the family flow. I told him this is one thing he is going to have to find out on his own. After all, things like a relationship (especially a relationship with God) can only be understood by two people: you and them. People on the outside can't really know what you two have got going for yourselves. Only you to do.
Two friends of mine have broken up. A guy who is like another me; we even share the same birthday! And a girl who I admit, I've always been awkwardly attracted to inside and out, but has become a friend who gets me. The guy is a lot like me, sometimes finding himself alone with his thoughts and ambitions. The girl shares with me this sense of responsibility; a resonsibility outside of herself for the people around her. It's sad to see this happen. And being a friend of both, I want to see them both happy. But what can I do, right? This is between them two. All I feel I can do is hear them both out and be there for both of them. This is between them...
My best friend is even doing pretty well with his romantic life. He's getting to know this girl. So far he likes this girl. She's driven, smart, and has got her head on straight. And I'm happy for him, but at the same time I'm a little jealous I guess. I mean seriously, when's it my turn?
I know, it's kind of pathetic and even a little emo for a guy to be thinking about a girl. But there's not even a name or a face to go with the girl I have in mind. God, am I becoming desperate? Wow, I hope not. I guess I'm just looking for someone. Someone to inspire me. Someone to cheer for me. Someone to fight for. Someone to die for. Someone to tear a hole in this endless night. Someone like... like... I don't know who. People tell me, "Don't worry about it. Just wait around and she'll come around. Don't look so hard." I fucking hate hearing those lines. And I'm not even looking as hard as people may think. Psh, cop out advice. And most of the time you don't want advice. Sometimes you just want to be understood.
One of my biggest fears is that'll end up old and alone. Even though I play the hero, sometimes I can't help but feel alone. But hey, I have no room in my head for a pity party. There's a lot of better things I should be thinking about. Life's too short to pity myself away licking the same damn wounds. I just have to suck it up, pick myself up off the ground and live. Live dammit. Live...
So hear I am back in New York. Same old goals. Same old responsibilities. And that's why I'm back here instead of living it up in California. Because in New York...
I got some unfinished business: my life.
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