What am I doing? What am i doing?! WHAT AM I DOING?!!?
Where the hell am I when shit hits the fan for the people I care about?!
At first, I shrugged these questions off- answering to myself that I'm taking care of me. I'm doing what is best for my future and my life.
But what if you feel... shame. Shame because even though you should take care of yourself... you feel it is better for you to take care of others. Shame because you feel that doing the "right thing" in the beginning, is not the right thing in the end.
Something happened. Something very bad happened to one of the people I care about most in this world. And tonight, I lay on the roof of a car, looking up at the pink tinted night skies with the rain falling down on my face... and I cried.
I know what to do, but i don't want to- and I feel like a monster because of that.
"What do you mean?" you ask me. "If you care about her as much as you say you do, then why don't you go out and do something?!" Because I shouldn't. It was made clear to me a long time ago, that the person to be there for her isn't me, and wasn't going to be me... or is it?
Despite what comes to you, despite what you get coming to you in the end, you are supposed to do the right thing. Doing something right is doing something good in and of itself. The Golden Rule says, "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." What is necessary is for you to DO something, what comes afterwards is conditional and is not relevant in an altruistic sense.
First and foremost, we are all called to action.
When news first came out, a lot of people were asking me if I had heard the news, as if there was an expectation for me to do something. Everyone expected something from me, but me.
And I guess it just goes to show what kind of people I have around me. To have high expectations of me, when I would expect less from myself. That faith that people have in you can make you face your fears and act. Act loud. Act strong. Act proud.
Taking care of myself was never my fortè. But sacrifice is.
I guess I am more of a hero than I thought myself to be. Here I go...
Where the hell am I when shit hits the fan for the people I care about?!
At first, I shrugged these questions off- answering to myself that I'm taking care of me. I'm doing what is best for my future and my life.
But what if you feel... shame. Shame because even though you should take care of yourself... you feel it is better for you to take care of others. Shame because you feel that doing the "right thing" in the beginning, is not the right thing in the end.
Something happened. Something very bad happened to one of the people I care about most in this world. And tonight, I lay on the roof of a car, looking up at the pink tinted night skies with the rain falling down on my face... and I cried.
I know what to do, but i don't want to- and I feel like a monster because of that.
"What do you mean?" you ask me. "If you care about her as much as you say you do, then why don't you go out and do something?!" Because I shouldn't. It was made clear to me a long time ago, that the person to be there for her isn't me, and wasn't going to be me... or is it?
Despite what comes to you, despite what you get coming to you in the end, you are supposed to do the right thing. Doing something right is doing something good in and of itself. The Golden Rule says, "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." What is necessary is for you to DO something, what comes afterwards is conditional and is not relevant in an altruistic sense.
First and foremost, we are all called to action.
When news first came out, a lot of people were asking me if I had heard the news, as if there was an expectation for me to do something. Everyone expected something from me, but me.
And I guess it just goes to show what kind of people I have around me. To have high expectations of me, when I would expect less from myself. That faith that people have in you can make you face your fears and act. Act loud. Act strong. Act proud.
Taking care of myself was never my fortè. But sacrifice is.
I guess I am more of a hero than I thought myself to be. Here I go...
i dont think i like superheroes very much...