Everyday, I sit in an ambulance - and wait. Just waiting for an emergency. Sometimes there are bullshit calls, people who you can tell have no REAL emergency but just could use a free trip to the hospital. But every now and then, there comes a real emergency - life or death.
So far, I've won out every battle. They live and no one dies. But lately, thoughts of the inevitable creep up on me: One day, someone will die - and I will be responsible.
It happens to every tech, someone will die on their watch. In the hours before I put on my uniform, that responsibility gets too heavy and I just want to throw away all this shit. But I step out there still because I can.
But when will it happen? Today? Tomorrow? Months from now?
Whatever the answer, someone will die. And not just one, but another one and another and another...
When I signed up for this, I had these thoughts of saving the day. Me standing there with a metaphorical red cape flapping in the wind.
But sooner or later - I'll lose.
So far, I've won out every battle. They live and no one dies. But lately, thoughts of the inevitable creep up on me: One day, someone will die - and I will be responsible.
It happens to every tech, someone will die on their watch. In the hours before I put on my uniform, that responsibility gets too heavy and I just want to throw away all this shit. But I step out there still because I can.
But when will it happen? Today? Tomorrow? Months from now?
Whatever the answer, someone will die. And not just one, but another one and another and another...
When I signed up for this, I had these thoughts of saving the day. Me standing there with a metaphorical red cape flapping in the wind.
But sooner or later - I'll lose.
