Birds in My Ears and a Devil on My Shoulder
0 Comments Published by no superman on Thursday, October 4, 2007 at 3:29 AM.
Currently listening to: Cute is What We Aim For - "Risquè"
I've got birds in my ears
And a devil on my shoulder
And a phone to the other
And I can't get a hold of her
And what's a crush to do?
What's a crush to do when he can't get through?
Life's been a handful lately. I'm still "in between jobs". When people ask what am I up to lately, those three words are my standard reply. Job-hunting for anything lately just to pay the bills. On top of it all, EMT certification is a lot heavier than I expected. I'm barely staying on top of it all. I need to pick up my game.
This weekend I'll be going to California for my cousin's wedding. I've been missing out on a lot of family business lately. I missed my cousin's wedding reception after they were married in a court room and then I missed her wedding shower for the church wedding in California. When I was a kid, this is a cousin I used to want as a big sister. I thought if I stuck around her enough, she'd become my sister. So this time, I'm making sure I make it out there.
Unfortunately, I'll be missing my best friend's birthday party. I feel like shit for that.
This trip came earlier than I thought. My mind's been such a mess lately, that I can't keep track of what day of the week it is. Real smooth, huh?
But in about 24 hours, I'll be making my way to the West Coast.
And besides family out there, there's someone else out there.
Some girl in California.
I met her in Chicago. Her sorority and my fraternity were having a mid-year national conference to discuss some business. And what goes with these little "business trips" are parties. I met her outside on the night of the first party. I met her meaning, "I just got her name". Nothing more. Nothing less. Just another name. Just another girl. By the next night, I was sitting on the side, being your typical emo wall-flower, when another fraternity brother tells me to go out there and dance with a girl. Well, I didn't want to look like an idiot, so i grabbed the hand of the girl I met last night. To me she was just a less dolled up version of the girl I really cared about. I was surprised that I even remembered her name. So we danced.
We danced. And when we ran out of moves, we made up our own. We talked. We sang along with the songs (at least the words we knew). We danced. We saved a girl who had a lit cigarette caught on the cuff of her jeans. We showed each other our driver's licenses. And we danced.
We danced for almost 3 hours of that floor.
There was a point in the night when went to the ladies' room. So I stood there and talked to some fraternity brothers. She came back, and now I had to go. When I got back, she was talking to some of her friends. And I stood there. I just stood there... waiting, completely knowing she'd come around. And sure enough, she turns to me, smiles, and walks straight back to me. We sat down and chatted it up some more. When her legs brushed mine, my mind went nuts.
We exchanged numbers and when I got back to New York, she texts me:
Oh man, everytime I hear a song from last night on the radio, I think about dancing with you.
When I read that, I smiled and laughed to myself thinking, "Wow, there's actually some girl on the other side of the country thinking of me."
From then on, we talked to each other every week. There was a time she actually came out to Philadelphia for a convention for her career. We played hooky, and spent a day in my city.
I brought her flowers. We ate rice pudding. We rode the ferry together. We kissed in the city lights.
Confessions, by definition entail some kind of dilemma. So where's the dilemma here?
A boy from New York and a girl from California meeting in Chicago. What are the odds?
Distance is complicated, but it's not impossible.
She has a boyfriend. In fact, it was one of the things she told me that night, even though it was one of the last things.
I've been pretty secure on my identity as the good guy. And i know good guys aren't scumbags. In fact, on our way to the ferry that day in the city, I got a call from my best friend who just broke up with his girlfriend of almost three years because she was cheating on him. That call was like an alarm sounding off in my head, "What the hell are you doing?!" From that moment, I felt personally responsible for everything that happened to him.
See, this isn't a bitter-sweet love story. It's about a promise I made to my friend. A friend who I hurt.
I promised him that I wouldn't follow through with her. And for the most part, I haven't.
People see me as the good guy. She sees me as a great guy.
And good guys - great guys, don't home wreck.
As amazing as it was, having a girl think about you - even though she's on the other side of the country, I can't do it.
But a good guy whose life is New York can sit up late at night remembering a girl whose life is California and just think...
Good guys get the girl. Good guys get the girl.
I've got birds in my ears
And a devil on my shoulder
And a phone to the other
And I can't get a hold of her
And what's a crush to do?
What's a crush to do when he can't get through?
Life's been a handful lately. I'm still "in between jobs". When people ask what am I up to lately, those three words are my standard reply. Job-hunting for anything lately just to pay the bills. On top of it all, EMT certification is a lot heavier than I expected. I'm barely staying on top of it all. I need to pick up my game.
This weekend I'll be going to California for my cousin's wedding. I've been missing out on a lot of family business lately. I missed my cousin's wedding reception after they were married in a court room and then I missed her wedding shower for the church wedding in California. When I was a kid, this is a cousin I used to want as a big sister. I thought if I stuck around her enough, she'd become my sister. So this time, I'm making sure I make it out there.
Unfortunately, I'll be missing my best friend's birthday party. I feel like shit for that.
This trip came earlier than I thought. My mind's been such a mess lately, that I can't keep track of what day of the week it is. Real smooth, huh?
But in about 24 hours, I'll be making my way to the West Coast.
And besides family out there, there's someone else out there.
Some girl in California.
I met her in Chicago. Her sorority and my fraternity were having a mid-year national conference to discuss some business. And what goes with these little "business trips" are parties. I met her outside on the night of the first party. I met her meaning, "I just got her name". Nothing more. Nothing less. Just another name. Just another girl. By the next night, I was sitting on the side, being your typical emo wall-flower, when another fraternity brother tells me to go out there and dance with a girl. Well, I didn't want to look like an idiot, so i grabbed the hand of the girl I met last night. To me she was just a less dolled up version of the girl I really cared about. I was surprised that I even remembered her name. So we danced.
We danced. And when we ran out of moves, we made up our own. We talked. We sang along with the songs (at least the words we knew). We danced. We saved a girl who had a lit cigarette caught on the cuff of her jeans. We showed each other our driver's licenses. And we danced.
We danced for almost 3 hours of that floor.
There was a point in the night when went to the ladies' room. So I stood there and talked to some fraternity brothers. She came back, and now I had to go. When I got back, she was talking to some of her friends. And I stood there. I just stood there... waiting, completely knowing she'd come around. And sure enough, she turns to me, smiles, and walks straight back to me. We sat down and chatted it up some more. When her legs brushed mine, my mind went nuts.
We exchanged numbers and when I got back to New York, she texts me:
Oh man, everytime I hear a song from last night on the radio, I think about dancing with you.
When I read that, I smiled and laughed to myself thinking, "Wow, there's actually some girl on the other side of the country thinking of me."
From then on, we talked to each other every week. There was a time she actually came out to Philadelphia for a convention for her career. We played hooky, and spent a day in my city.
I brought her flowers. We ate rice pudding. We rode the ferry together. We kissed in the city lights.
Confessions, by definition entail some kind of dilemma. So where's the dilemma here?
A boy from New York and a girl from California meeting in Chicago. What are the odds?
Distance is complicated, but it's not impossible.
She has a boyfriend. In fact, it was one of the things she told me that night, even though it was one of the last things.
I've been pretty secure on my identity as the good guy. And i know good guys aren't scumbags. In fact, on our way to the ferry that day in the city, I got a call from my best friend who just broke up with his girlfriend of almost three years because she was cheating on him. That call was like an alarm sounding off in my head, "What the hell are you doing?!" From that moment, I felt personally responsible for everything that happened to him.
See, this isn't a bitter-sweet love story. It's about a promise I made to my friend. A friend who I hurt.
I promised him that I wouldn't follow through with her. And for the most part, I haven't.
People see me as the good guy. She sees me as a great guy.
And good guys - great guys, don't home wreck.
As amazing as it was, having a girl think about you - even though she's on the other side of the country, I can't do it.
But a good guy whose life is New York can sit up late at night remembering a girl whose life is California and just think...
Good guys get the girl. Good guys get the girl.
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